I'm on a roll, so butter me

Thursday, September 30, 2010


A recently received email:


This is some hokey pokey bullshit i think


The last review, of little mexico's complimentary salsa: "it all depends on the jalapeƱos" as if the novelty of inconsistency suddenly became cool? Aren't 8.5's sfogliatelle frozen?

this is a crock of shit list

Friday, September 24, 2010

JUNKIE STATUS/ LA MEJOR BEBIDA/ COOL PICTURES/ "Me llevare su recuerdo, Porque a mi tierra me voy/ WHOOPS BUT I'M NOT SORRY

Aside from the current three-days-and-running warm spell in Berlin it's been pretty autumnal since mid-August. It's THAT SEASON CHANGE when illness abounds as do German leute brazenly blowing their noses in public places, including inches away from my mise en place, and face. However, your boy remains unscathed (and the biggest boss that you've seen) thus far - and I do believe it is because of my new habit, nay, addiction - to the habanero chili. Admittedly I have yet to start eating them whole, but rather in a salsa that I've been less and less cautiously trickling onto my food at work. It's gotten to the point where I need the salsa to feel like I'm tasting what is already a cuisine rich in flavors, esp. from chilies. It's fucked up, I know, but also warding off disease.* Here is a recipe for Salsa de Habanero.

10 Habanero Chilies
1 Carrot
1 Medium Red Onion
1 Tbsp Cider Vinegar

De-stem the chilies and dry-roast them in a cast-iron pan (hyphens!) until at least 2/3 of the skin is black. Shred the carrot and dry-roast that as well. You can do the same with the onions, after chopping them of course, or you can cook the onion in oil on low heat if you want some sweetness. Blend all the cooked ingredients until pureed , adding vinegar and the salt to taste (though i wouldn't go dipping your index finger one knuckle deep in this stuff and then sucking it off to see if there's enough salt, especially if you are doing that in some savory erotic way looking at someone because when you start coughing and convulsing and hiccuping and blood starts pouring from you ears [jk] the moment will be ruined). Needless to say I would start with extremely parsimonious portions on your tacos, burritos, and pizza.

The chili also has regenerative properties (read: "hangover cure") when mixed with Corona and lime juice. Lately I have been drinking a lot of Micheladas at work. This drink is wonderfully refreshing, and can be enjoyed sin culpa at any time of the day. It's summery, yes, but it does bring warmth as well. Here goes:

1 Corona Cervesa (mucho frio)
Juice of one lime
1/2 teaspoon Habanero Salsa
Ice Cubes

So firstly salt the rim of your glass, then put like 4 ice cubes in there and add the lime juice and salsa. Then gently pour in the Corona, and enjoy! SO GOOD

You can enjoy these drinks while reading about or even making or just looking at cool pictures of Terrines in this book which rules. The other day I came home to my roommate doing this:
That's deer meat. He made a biggidy bomb-ass terrine with it surrounded by bacon, it was biggidy-bambi-ass bangin'. But seriously the pictures in that book alone are worth the purchase.

In other news I will, after 19 months in Berlin I will be returning to Los Estados Unidos, possibly para siempre. Berlin is tight, yes, but I'm ready to be out this and cook my ass off back home. I will take many memories with me and hopefully a euro-swag that Virginia girls will find exotic.

A recent browsing of the internet's sphincter (Toytown Berlin, the American forum/message board for ex-pats living in Berlin) I found this about Maria Bonita:

Went with a friend. We had Carnitas and a Taco. The food was good, but the place is sad, small and shabby. There was a guy with an american accent taking orders and another with a spanish accent cooking, both were unfriendly and with a little attitude, which is always kinda ridiculous but even more so in a joint like that. Must be all the hype of the wannabe hipsters of the expat community. At €5.50 for small portions, it's definitely overpriced. Definitely not going back. There are better restaurants serving Mexican and South American food in Schoneberg. Do your homework.

Well, I can only assume that I was the one with the "[A]merican accent" and my Mexican friend Dani is the other guy. I can tear this shit apart but just let me say ersatz restaurant reviewers are below the much disparaged class of subhumans known as "youtube commenters." People need to shut the fuck up. And if we were rude to you it's your fault.

*Don't take medical claims made on this blog seriously at all ever you idiot